MB Got Hammered Late

 

        

New Lenox, IL - On a sun splashed 6:30 make up game, the Master Batters faced Hammered whom they had beaten handily 17-2 in an early season meeting.  The game started out seashells and balloons as MB batted around in the first inning to score six runs and open up a big lead.  From that point on it was the typical story of not being able to sustain the offense as MB was only able to push four more runs across the rest of the way.  Meanwhile, Hammered who had trailed most of the game, entered the bottom of the 5th inning trailing 10-6.  That fateful inning included a barrage of hits, calliope music defense, and a ten run surge to put away the game for the underdogs.  MB quietly went out 1-2-3 for the second time in the evening to cap off a disappointing end of the season loss 16-10. Notably missing from the game was Jake Koz, who could not be reached for comment.

Master Batters end the season at .500 with a 5-5 record to put them in 5th place over all.  The loss did not cost MB any different playoff opponent than they would have faced if they won the game.  Game time for round 1 of the playoffs on Tuesday, July 20th is at 7:30PM against The Scrappers.  The two teams split the season series by exchanging slaughter rule games with Scrappers taking the first match 21-6 and MB winning the rematch 17-7 last week.  Winner of this game will likely take on 9-1 Brew Jays who lost on opening day to Tri-Star and then rattled off nine wins in a row to end up the season.  The high point of the season for MB thus far is a walk off win against Tri-Star in week 3.  MB will put on some extra eye black and look to dispatch Scrappers for the chance at a second meeting against the Brew Jays in round 2 who took a 18-9 decision in their only meeting in week 6.  

Noteables:

Literate Bum - Ashlee, the wife of 1st baseman Jason Stapes, saw a pen and tablet lying on the ground near the 3rd base fence where the Gazette reporters normally camp out, and wondered who had left the school supplies behind.  It was either a very polished homeless person or just a Gazette staff member.  You decide.

Eyeglasses for Blue - The ump rolled up to the game and said "Hi young man" to this writer as he approached the field to take home plate duties.  

Honoree - Stapes whacked a 1st inning three-run homer to commemorate his player of the week profile this week.

Cat Calls - Pratl followed Stapes home run with a ringing double off of the fence in left center.  The team prematurely got on Pratl thinking that he had just wasted a home run with a solo effort.

Landscape Boulder - Whitehouse got hit by a screaming Uncle Gary dribbler in the first inning in fair territory to be called out on the play.

Steve Stone - For you youngsters out there who are standing on 3rd base as a runner when there is a batted ball, your first move is foul territory.

Joey Prep - "That's number 1 asshole!" was shouted by Hammered's entire team to their leadoff hitter as he rounded the bases for a solo home run.

Koz Who? - Was shouted by a member of MB as replacement right-center fielder "Twan" made a nice catch in the first inning.

Kelly From Bad News Bears - "Twan" made all three putouts in the 1st inning with the nice catch and a couple of cans of corn.

Carpenter? - Everyone thought that Ken was an electrician but after a flyout that had three Hammered outfielders fighting for the ball, number 29 slammed his bat against the ground twice as if he were driving a nail into the ground.  He than made two more mock attempts as if to practice this new hammering thing.  (footage at 31:19 mark of replay)

Toss It In The Forest - That is what Ken yelled to Whitehouse after the later asked for the bat that #29 used as a "Hammer" and carried down to his 1st base coaching position after the flyout.

Mr. and Mrs. - When did they add a second porta-potty behind the scorer's box?

Wheels - Zlogar made a nice running catch to rob a would be extra base hit.  Speed kills.

Air Mail III - After hitting the easiest looking groundout, Gary waltzed down the first base line to watch the Hammered infielder's ball sail five feet over the 1st baseman's head for a rabbit's foot single.

Giveaway Night - In the first promotion ever, The Master Batters gave away a win to the first team to walk through the door, Hammered.

Timeout! - Someone on MB yelled that during the longest throes of the 10 run inning that doomed them for the evening.

Player Profile

Jason Stapleton

Here is a guy that I've literally known since Day 1. This week’s profile is Lemont High School grad, Jason Stapleton, or Stapes as he is known.  Stapes joined the team in the fall of 2018 at the request of Cousin Jake Koz after the later was tired of the Schoenhofen and Foster family monopoly.  In the five seasons leading up to the 2021 campaign, Stapes has motored to 2^nd on the charts in all of the power numbers; HR’s, OPS, Slugging %.  When Stapes is not on the softball field, you may see him in your area repairing the power grid.  We sat down at Morty Schmegman’s Cigar Bar & Lounge  this week to talk to the Master Batter first baseman.

 

Gazette: Congratulations on your marriages to Ashlee.  Which one of them was your favorite?

Stapes: I would have to go with the 2nd marriage because we were able to celebrate with most of our family and friends compared to just a handful the first time. The 3rd time around should be a full house though.

                      Rehearsal Dinner

Gazette: What was your reaction when Koz originally called you to play on MB?

Stapes: I was thrilled to get the call and to finally start my softball career especially because we were going to be on the same team. Only question I asked him was if 1st base was available

Gazette: What is your favorite memory of playing with the Master Batters?

Stapes: Favorite memory would have to be the postseason win we had against Beggars I believe it was a few years back. We were big time underdogs and we able to pull through as a team to get the W.

Gazette: What is your least favorite memory with your time on MB?

Stapes: Least Favorite memory would have to be the next postseason game we played coming off that great win in which we ended up losing thus ending our season

Gazette: What goals have you set for softball……short-term? 

Stapes: Short term goals are to finish this season strong in our final game and to go on a good run in the playoffs.

Gazette: Long-term?

Stapes: The biggest Long term goal is definitely to win a championship. I'm super competitive and I play the game to win. I love to have fun when I hit the diamond but you have to win games to win the championship.

Gazette: Tell us a little bit about Kozleton.

Stapes: So Kozleton is the name Jake and I came up with to call ourselves when ever we are together. Kozlowski and Stapleton became 1 under Kozleton.

Gazette: What is your funniest experience spent with Koz growing up?

Stapes: Kozleton has had so many funny moments together so its hard to pick one, but the 1 that stands out the most would have to be when Jake and I were pretty young and had a sleep over at my parents place where Jake bought a new Xbox camera so we took full advantage of that and send a bunch of random pictures of random stuff in our basement to the other Halo players we were facing. Pretty sure a few basketballs from Bankshot and a Buzz Lightyear made an appearance.

Gazette: Kids today are not innovators of junk ball sports.  What are some of the creative games you’ve played over the years?

Stapes: Number 1 is definitely mini bats. Definitely got my fair share of pivots and off balance swings playing that game when I had my foot in a cast and couldn't put any weight on it.

Punt ball in Vito's basement along with broom ball is a classic.

A newer game we started to play almost every weekend before covid-19 was Shinny. Definitely captured some good memories in that short period of time playing that.

Gazette: Who is Vito?

Stapes: Vito is Kozleton's grandma.  When Jake and I were younger, I would ask him over Xbox live if he was going to be at Grandma's house and apparently, people would make fun of us for it so Grandma turned into codename "Vito" and it has stuck ever since.

Gazette: Gazette understands that you made your softball debut at Commissioner’s Park in the 1990’s during a Panthers/Warpath game.  Tell us about that night.

Stapes: As kids,  that night Jake and I were WAYYYYY out there in left field just throwing a ball around and I mean way out there because the field had no fences and I believe there was a pond close by so we were like nobody can hit it there. Well I was wrong. I heard some yelling coming from the dugouts so I turn around to face the field and someone got a hold of one and it had some steam behind and would have kept rolling past me if I didn't field it. It all happened so fast and it came right to me and I threw it back to the outfielder. Just my natural instinct to field the ball and throw it. Well let's just say that caused some major uproar and a good delay to that game as both team were arguing over what should have happened on that play.

Gazette: What is your perfect cigar/drink pairing?

Stapes: I'm a big fan of Rocky Patel’s accompanied with an old fashioned or a boulevardier.

Gazette: Do you recall El Carballo's walk-up song?

Stapes:  I do not recall his walk up song but I did get his autograph on a baseball and my glove while he and Ed Farmio were doing a signing in Lemont……and let us not forget his grand slam against the Cubs in the 10^th.

Gazette: How many Ken shot puts have you picked in the past 5 ½ seasons?

Stapes: I honestly don’t know how many in total there have been.  I don’t mind the shot puts one bit but when he says he owe me a case of beer after I bail him out, then the following week doesn’t bring the case of beer………….that’s happened close to 7 or 8 times. So next party we have, I might have to call in a few of those cases and reserve the others for when we win the championship this year.