Gnaturals Swarm Hammered

 New Lenox, IL - After a brutal beat down last week to the Blow Jays, the Gnaturals looked to right the ship against Hammered on Tuesday evening at the Lion's Den.  The gusty summer evening started out auspiciously as the Gnats gave up three unearned runs in the 1st inning to trail 3-1 after a frame.  That was about all that Ryan Foster would give up for the evening as Hammered was only able to muster one additional run for the remainder of the game.  The Gnats went on the offensive to score 18 runs (likely 19, but the scorekeeper was verklempt) in rout to a time-shortened 18-4 victory capped off by a Jason Stapes 3-run homerun in the team's final at-bat.  Last night's game was one of the most balanced performances the Gnats have had since the Masterbatters days. Oddly enough, the win yesterday puts the Gnats in a three way tie for 4th place with the Blow Jays and Ivy League, and only a game behind the embattled leaders Tri-Star, The Scrappers, and Beggars; all at 3-1.  Next week is an 8:30 PM tussle against Ivy League that will pit the Gnats against former longtime teammate Jake Koz and short-timer Uncle Gary.  Look for some hijinks as the crafty pitchers Uncle G and Ry square off to see who can pull ahead in the standings.

Noteables:

Dedication - Don't give credit to the car next to Jack as it is the taxi driver for the Gazette beat reporter who would soon drive away.  Jack easily had the next person to show up beat by at least 30 minutes.

Short Left-Fielder, bad idea - That was the text this reporter sent Cap'n Jack before the game when overhearing the skipper strategize the details of putting Arik in short left-field (more on that later).  No sleight on the people trying to execute the plan, the plan itself seldom pans out............as seen last night.

The Trophy - Ken was late to last night's ball game due to a dentist appointment made last November.  Nobody is buying that story.  Ken was really trying to commandeer the sponsors trophy from the 2004 Rebels in-house 9/10 year old championship.  The sponsor, of course, was a dentist who shall remain nameless.

Crocks - This is the gear that Ryno showed up wearing to the game last night.  The Gazette had rare access to the dugout for 30 minutes prior to the game to capture such riveting information. 

I Got It!!! - Actually, Pratl didn't get it, he dropped the flyball.  No deal on the drop.  The encouraging sign is the assertiveness that the outfield needs in order to not bump into each other like the White Sox outfield.  Keep up the communication outfielders!

German March - Ken was short on beer as he was at the aforementioned dentist, Dr. Fang.  After the game, Ken wanted to stick around and tilt a few while watching the Ivy League game so he ran off to the liquor store.  On his way back, the Schoenhofen boys quipped at Old Schools fast paced walking form from the lot to the field as he came back with the goods.

I Should Run to Lockport - A Ken quote when he had to run for himself in his last at-bat.  Nobody is sure what that means but HEY, Lockport is at least a 10-15 mile jaunt from the Lion's Den.

Not So Crock - Apparently, Ry likes to wear football cleats while playing softball.  He made this new purchase and sported them for the big win tonight.  It's not the shoes Ry, it's not the shoes.

Hats Off - The infield often resembles the surface of Mars.  Last night, the infield appeared sandy and not dusty.  The winds were blowing briskly but the infield was not kicking up dust like in the past.  Likely dumb luck, BUT if the New Lenox Park District watered down the infield or added heavier sand, well done.

Trivia Time - 

What kind of sandwich is this?

Who's sandwich is it?

What type of chips are smashed on top?

Text your answer to the Gazette home office and the person who gets the most correct answers will either get their own feature in a future Gazette OR request a feature on the topic of your choice.

To Whom It May Concern - Getting back to the short-left fielder.  A few things about that.  First, generically and without any information on any hitter, other than he is a right hander, the "short left" should be in the position in Picture 1 marked with a circled x.

Figure 1 - For RH hitter

Second, for a left hand hitter, MOVE OVER INTO RIGHT FIELD, as marked with a circled x in Figure 2.

Figure 2 - For LH hitter

Third, let's call this The Roving Outfielder.

Fourth, enhance the chance of getting the batter out by studying the batters as the games go by or you watch old film to get hitter's tendencies and then make your own x's on the diamond.

Fifth, just toss the idea and play straight up 99.9% of the time.

Little Sisters of the Poor - The Gants were excited at first when they thought their opponent last evening was the group assembled in this pre-game picture.  It's probably not politically correct to say Little Sisters of the Poor anymore.  Let's say Height Challenged Less Privileged Individuals instead.

The other 0.1% - aka The Uncle Gary.  There's no secrets in this league if you pay attention.  Koz is reading this and as a former player, assume Gary is too.  

Step 1 - Position 1B and 3B inches inside the chalk (preferable in front of the base in case the ball hits it)

Step 2 - Left and right fielders 30-40 feet in back of the base and 15 feet off the line.

Step 3 - Ry, throw strikes

Step 4 - Choose inner or outer half of plate, depending on where you want him to hit it.  I'd go inside as it limits the field.

Step 5 - SS and 2B play straight up and anticipate the crafty Uncle Gary to hit a ground ball in the largest hole..

Step 6 - LC and RC don't play too deep but be able to angle to a ball hit long directly over the shaded outfielders heads.

Step 7 - Put the ball in play and let's see what happens.

The worse thing is that Uncle G cranks up on one and clears the bases.  He will cruise into 2nd for a double.

Good luck Uncle Gary and Good Luck Gnats, have fun!