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New Lenox, IL - The Gnaturals took on Beggars Pizza in a battle for second place Tuesday night at the Lions Den. Beggars and Brew Jays were the only undefeated teams remaining in the league while the Gnats held sole possession of third place coming into the game. The visiting Gnats started out the contest with a Cap'n Jack single and a Jake Koz double. Both of them were knocked in when Stapes singled with nobody out to put the Gnats ahead 2-0. The next two Gnats flew out followed by an Arik single and a Jamaica walk to load the bases for starting pitcher Zlogar. Z came through with a ringing double to score all three runners and give the Gnats a 5-0 lead heading into the bottom of the inning. Z gave up one hit in the bottom of the inning while retiring Beggars with no runs in the 1st. Three straight singles by Jack, Koz and Stapes were followed by a Suits double and Pratl SAC fly to put across three runs for an 8-0 lead heading into the bottom of the 2nd. Beggars scored 2 runs in their half of the inning to trail 8-2 after two innings. Jamaica and Zlogar both reached base on hits and scored with a clutch two out hit by Cap'n Jack. Beggars scored two more in the bottom of the third to trail 10-4 after three innings. Stapes and Suits led off the fourth with hits with the former scoring on a Pratl SAC fly. Suits would score shortly on an Arik double. Gnats held Beggars scoreless to lead 12-4 after four innings. After the first two Gnats were retired in the fifth inning, Jake Koz hit a solo homerun to left-center field to give the Gnats a 13-4 lead. Jason Stapes went back-to-back with a homerun to left field to put the Gnats up 14-4 heading into the bottom of the 5th inning with a chance to seal the victory with a shutout inning. Beggars complied by making three outs around a harmless walk for a run rule shortened 14-4 Gnats victory in five innings. The win puts the Gnats (3-1) in sole possession of second place based on runs given up (31) versus that of Beggars (55) with the Gnaturals also holding the next tie-breaker with the head-to-head victory. Next week's game against the Brew Jays is for the top spot in the league at the five week mark. The Gnaturals visit the Brew Jays next week at 6:30 in the last regular season game of the year which will be played in daylight. All remaining games this season are long after the sun sets. It's Bring liquor, sun glasses, and bug spray night at the old ball park so be on hand to enjoy in the festivities and cheer on the pesty Gnats.
Noteables:
Charity - Mike Zlogar only gave up two base on balls in his surprise spot start against Beggars Tuesday night.
Faith Healer - Cap'n Jack was forced to make some fancy moves to get Jeff off the I.L. in order to play in tonight's game. Jeff's pain rating is down to a 5/6 from a 9 but he was not able to swing the bat. Kudos to Jeff for "finding more".
Fleet Dreams - The entire Gnats and Gazette family hope that you are ok Ry.
Hot-to-Trot - Ken had a rough night making four outs in three at bats. After hitting into a 1-4-3 double play to end the fifth inning, Ken momentarily pulled his shirt off and threatened retirement. Ken was reminded that the team was only working with ten players so he quickly dressed, grabbed his glove, and blamed the tough night on his toothache. Any other night has Ken being the turd but not even close. More on that later.
Sutter Home - The Yankees have lost enough games to warrant replacing the NY flag with the American Flag at the house of Sutor. The Gazette has learned that the Viking flag is a frequent flyer there too. Is their any Chicago anything there???
Yabba Dabba Doooooo! - It has come to our attention that the Great New Lenox Park District is
considering monitoring "
Rule #7" which states that players are not able to be on multiple rosters on the same night. NO SHIT ASSHOLES! Really? Gnatural, Miguel Zlogar, is so incensed by the comical activity and ineptness of President Keith that he is taking up running for Park District President in the next election cycle. The Gazette backs you Z.
If You're Not First, You're at First - It is always surprising to come to the ballpark and not get to stand on the third base side. Tonight was one of those occasions. Beggars left fielder, Larry Leggings, beat Cap'n Jack and every other sole to the Lions Den on Tuesday night. Apparently, Leggings sticks around to watch ALL of the games every Tuesday. Must suck for him. Most of us are at all four games but consumed with conversation while consuming adult beverages.
Ump O - While not sporting an entire orange suit this week, Ump Orange was on hand to handle the proceedings. Not much to belly ache about tonight so O must have done a good job.
A Toast - There was a lot to cheer about tonight as the win was another team effort with good hitting and clutch play to go around. With very little notice, Z was cast as the starting pitcher in tonight's game and did admirably. In five innings of work, Z gave up four runs (three earned) on six hits and two walks. Z made a clutch play in the 2nd inning to cover first base on a ball fielded by Stapes in the hole to snuff out a Beggars rally with only two runs given up that inning. Not to mention those three big first inning RBIs. Z "got dirty" tonight. Have a drink Z, you deserve it.....cheers!
Starf*^#er - Seems like Ken positioned himself well with the Gazette camera crew. Every time we got a shot of Zlogar, there was Ken to jump into the limelight with Z. Old School was not born yesterday.
Kelly - Hey kids, there once was a guy named Walter Matthau who played the manager in the original Bad News Bears. Tonight in the third inning, Koz did a remake of Kelly whom was instructed by Matthau to catch everything he could get to. Koz did just that in the third inning by recording all three putouts. One of the catches robbed the man in black with the red shorts as Koz ran in to cutoff a falling line drive for an out.
Sabermetrics - Everyone knows about WAR (win over replacement) where a player's worth is measured versus the average replacement player. At the Gazette, we are on the cutting edge of all things baseball so we are tracking a new stat, WACC. WACC is wins above cardboard cutout. After tonight's game, Ryno's WACC is -1 as Jeff, the cardboard cutout replacement produced a win.
Ladies Night - The women showed up in force to watch the Gnats take on Beggars Pizza. Sold out with standing room only tickets gone. Looked like a 2:20PM start against the Cardinals at Wrigley.
Sage - The only thing missing from this picture is Jobu. Pratl brought the burning leaf to exercise some daemons....not the Daemon Deacons who oddly shared the first base dugout an hour earlier.
Turd of the Week - Well, it only took four weeks, but the main force behind this segment finds himself as this week's top turd, Ryno. No big deal for missing a game. No communication to the manager without the hopes of a replacement player beyond cardboard cutout status is worthy of tonight's top turd.
Miner 49 - Players in arrears for past offenses:
Sutor (1)
G-Dog (1)
Jack (3)
Ryno (1)
Week 4 Fines:
Koz (1 for solo HR) Paid
Stapes (1 for solo HR) Paid
Sutor (2) now owe (3)
Pratl (2)
Ken (3)
If the Kangaroo Court is not accurate, please send me a text and it will get corrected.
Sports Final Edition Extras
Comp - Hey Gnats family, just remember that with the extensive Gazette reach, you are always being watched. Click on the pic and see the comp between two lovely New Lenox estates.
Mr. Pen - School Teacher Lauren picked up this slick "edible food" eraser set while on a recent date with the Gnats Captain. You try to do a good thing for the kids and here's why you leave this nice set at home. 1. The food is edible but not the eraser. Some dumbass kid is going to see the word "edible" and "food" and go to town. Then Johnny or Jinny's mom's lawyer goes to town on you. 2. The donut hole, popsicle, and triangle look innocuous but it will be misconstrued for a gender representation issue and you'll be in the principle office filling out applications while Greta Van Feet takes over your class for the remainder of the year. Enjoy the erasers in the privacy of your own home and you'll keep your job and stay away from the legal team.
Addendum to Fines:
These are the amounts due from individuals. The bucket-o-cash will be sitting on the fence next week for your payments.
Sutor (3)
G-Dog (1)
Ryno (1)
Pratl (2)
Ken (3)
What to do - The Kangaroo Court only handles on the field or at the field activities. The absent Ryno situation is in the hands of Captain Jack and the team to levy any such actions if deemed necessary.
Honestly, who throws a cupcake - Said Dr. Evil in Goldmember.
He should have said; "Honestly, who writes their name on a table tennis paddle?". Lauren, as you are turning the thermostat down to 72 before taking on your hubby in a match, grab this paddle too!
- Now that we know that you are ok Ry, let's take another try at this. The Gazette fantasized about sending a photographer to your house and hoping to get a shot of your vehicle with the windows rolled down 2 inches and you passed out with a fatty in your hand while puffs of smoke billowed out as classical music littered the air from your speakers. Oh well, we can dream..................which is oddly enough what you were doing when the photo of your car was taken. Night night.
Current Standings - Gnaturals are solo in 2nd place with the fourth best offense in the league with 60 runs scored and the number one defense with 31 runs allowed.
Random Pictures with no stories from last night
Moon Beams
Dylan at Bat with Koz and Z watching while the catcher lays out a target. Hey catcher! the pitcher pays attention to your target in softball like...........zero percent of the time
Arik and Stapes on base while Dylan would walk and all three would score on a first inning double by future New Lenox Park District President Miguel Zlogar.
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