New Lenox, IL - The first game of the season was on August 16th but the official start of the Fall Campaign occurred weeks earlier as the Gnaturals met for a couple of Tuesday batting sessions in between seasons. This reporter is seen tossing BP to Stapes while a rando is walking past the bleachers. We are all glad that a crime was not committed in the background or Gnats would have been eliminated one by one like it were a late night gathering by the local moms carrying Skin So Soft Off. The season started with a win against the Deacons in a shortened game. The following week was a pasting of the gritty Scrappers in quick fashion. The Scrappers are a slightly above .500 team who some how have a field of four leaf clovers. Just as in golf when you burn up your "Tree Magic" for the day, these guys likely have burned theirs going forward unless Mozzarella or one of the boys gets transferred and meets younger, more talented office friends. Week 3 was a narrow loss to the ringer-filled Rhinos. Putting up 18 runs and losing by 1 against ringers would be a dream come true when this team started out several years ago. The loss was a tough pill to swallow but never really played out as important in the grand scheme of things. Week 4 was a Quick One against Beggars. Holding those goofs to low single digits was the perfect way to keep their chattery voices shut. Week 5 was a clubbing of The Brew Jays. Looked like a passing of the torch type of game as the Jays suddenly looked old. We are all sure that the team will try to scout local players during the spring and summer so don't totally count those guys out yet. Week 6 was a clubbing of Water Chasers. Week 7 was a sweet victory against lifeless Ivy League, which solidified the Gnats season as the best ever. The season ended with a big win against the Deacons and followed with a first playoff round victory against them as well. A couple of rainouts assured that the entire team would be present for the Final Four and push toward a championship. That didn't happen as the team was so tight that if you shoved a lump of coal up their asses, they would have turned them into diamonds. If you are going to lose to anyone, Uncle Gary is not a bad choice. The rest of this week's Gazette is mostly dedicated to all of pictures that were transferred for publication but did not make it for one reason or another as well as some add-ons. These stray cats will finally find a home. Additionally, we'll take a look at some of Jacky Stats year-end statistics and The Gnats by Numbers.
Noteables:
Fuck This - Do you really want to see these pieces of shit in the 2024 New Lenox Community Park District catalog for Spring and Fall sign up? Well, you are going to see them in the 2023 version after what happened in the championship rounds, so the suggestion is to wipe these clowns right out of the advertisement by making sure that they do not get in a position to win The Show in 23'.
Dead Wood - This is from the summer and not sure if it is symbolic of Ken's Bat or the parting of ways of a couple of former teammates who served the Master Batters/Gnats over the years.
Ryno Pitch - This is a week 1 shot of Ryno facing a Demon Deacon while Ump Orange and Arik watch on. The dude with his arms folded leaning in the dugout opening is the guy that some of you loved to hate for not getting in line to shake your hands. Maybe the dude picked his ass that night and did not want to get remnants on your hands. Perhaps thank #57 Deacon the next time you see him. Ryno would end up 5-2 on the season while issuing a very low total of walks and fielding the position nicely.
Three Sides - I generally like to take a shot while walking up to the park just to remember the feel of what things were like that night. This Week 2 shot was taken while leaving and is generic yet interesting. Sure, it is a night game and the sand courts are in the foreground with the field set in back. What is the "most New Lenox" thing about this picture? Build a fence around 3 sides of a port-a-John and leave the open end exposed to the guy who lives less than 40 yards from there. Seriously, if you want a book on How Not to do Things, walk around a NLCPD facility and the pages will write themselves.
Kozleton - Week 2 against the Scrappers. Jake and Jason mug for the camera while the dude in the background calls friends from the dugout to get more players to the field. His shadow was even making calls.
One Time - Week 4 and in the first base dugout. That means the Dufus from Beggars got to the field at 8am to beat Cap'n Jack out of the coveted "sun-less" and "less waspy" third base dugout. The thing that hurts the most about losing the playoff game to Ivy was that the Gnats were already in the third base dugout and we all missed the baby fit when Beggars would have had to take the first base dugout. Shame on you guys for not beating Ivy and setting up Fun Theater.
Marble Sky - Random pic of Arik and Stapes on base in week 4. I didn't want to jinx Arik late in the season by saying anything out loud but for several weeks, he was an automatic hit. Nice season A! Jeff would fill in and catch for Ryno while Zlogar pitched the game. The injured Jeff took three strikeouts looking while Z recorded the win in replacement. Z went 3-0 on the hill for the Fall Gnats and taunted Coach King, who once cut him from JJC ,by sending him YouTube links of his victories.
Blow Jays - Week five against the Brew Jays with Zlogar and Barta watching on. This was a sweet victory because prior to the Fall campaign, the Gnats could only dream about beating this team. The game ended early with the Gnats on top for one of the franchise's biggest wins ever. Thoughts and prayers out to MH (blue shorts/white cutoff) and family as he would fracture his skull while pitching in a late season Monday night match.
Reverend Who - Shot before week 6 at the Nate Haynes (son of Uncle Gary) wedding with Ernie Cairo. As it turns out, there are a world full of people who strike an image to Thee Reverend Dave. The Rev is not only the highest paid Gnatural of all-time, he had the most popular Halloween costume of 2022.
Where is Sutor - No sign of anyone in this week 6 pic when the team debated whether to have him be an automatic out in the 3 spot batting position or drop him to the bottom of the lineup until he showed up. Unlike Ryno, who overslept and missed week 4, Sutes showed up just as his first at-bat was scheduled and clubbed a two RBI double..
The Replacements - Here's where things get complicated. It is week 7 and I am home sick
so Gale and Tori are sent to tell the Noteable stories and take pictures. Mike Pratl does a fine job of hanging up the GoPro so we could all relive the victory over Ivy and I could watch it for the first time. The thing with the Gazette staff that is not named Al is that they take a lot of pictures. This is going to be a long week. I'd be willing to bet that mom took a steady dose of "Koz" pictures and sister took a decent amount of selfies. It's a good thing that I didn't solicit help from Deb or Kathy or we might have had a hundred pictures to show. Here we go........ Koz watches cousin Jason batting while Sutor stands at first base with Ken waiting for the pitch to be delivered. Yep, that's a Gale pic.
Two Nephews - Stapes playing first base and Troy standing on third. Guessing that is a Gale pic too. Good thing she took this pic back in September because Troy and his wife Erin announced yesterday that they are expecting their first baby. Congratulations to Erin and Troy Costabile!
Game Over - The Gazette staff is coachable and more attentive than the regular photographer, as he tends to forget to take the traditional hand shake at the end of the game. Most of the Ivy players are begging Gnats players to find a spot on the team so that they could finally play for a group of guys who are enthusiastic about playing softball and are not afraid to show some emotion.
Koz-Mo Again - Koz is seen here walking toward the dugout and Ken is still standing there waiting for something to happen. Another Gale pic.
Cold Ones - Tori jumps on the board with a selfie. From left to right; Lia, Delmy, and Tori enjoy a cold beverage while fully blanketed. Two Vizzy's and a Busch Apple Cider are behind the smiles.
Huh? - A couple of cans litter the grass near the third base fence. Anyone else get the feeling that the Gazette should dock the pay of our photographers?
Kozleton II - Stapes is re-enacting the O.J. trial from the mid-90's by pretending to force on a glove. Even though he was only a few years old at the time, Jason did his research and recites the most famous line from defense lawyer, Johnny Cochrane, "If it doesn't fit, you must acquit". O.J. not guilty of murder. The justice system, guilty of getting it wrong.
Deposit Please - Sutes grabs Jeff along the first base line after the Gnat victory handshake and takes him on a long ride to near the first base dugout. Easily one of the highlights of the Gnat 2022 season.
Call Ken - This one came from Jake the prior week as some of the boys headed to Kentucky for Arik With An A's bachelor weekend. The boys would ultimately get into a scrumble as named by Arik's dad, Mr. Scrumbler. Scrambles are obsolete....scrumbles are the future. We all know to call Ken if you want an honest opinion on anything, advice on wiring issues, and now legal matters. Charge up your battery Ken!
Back to Week Seven - Mike Pratl has the nerve to photo bomb Gale's pic of Jake Koz during the Ivy League game. Jake is seen here asking Matt Sutor if he could leave the dugout to go distract Gale with a hug to get a break from the bright lights of the camera.
Two Fisted - Yes, this is a Gale pic too. Tori sports two drinks in one arm while Jake clutches two shoes in one hand while hugging little sister.
Loitering - Sutes hadn't gotten too far with Jeff when Ken throws his thumb out to hitch hike a ride back to the dugout. Meanwhile, the rest of the team is hanging around the Ivy dugout as if it were a porch on Halloween. How did this picture not make the original cut in the Gazette?
Nice View - Y'all going to have to blow this one up to appreciate what is happening. Here's the setup, Gnats and Ivy tied at 16 in the bottom of the 6th inning and the game is out of time after this at bat. Dylan Jamaica leads off the inning with a two-strike single past the shortstop. Zlogar flies deep to left field and Dylan tags up as Marone's throw makes it extremely close at 2nd base. Jeff lines a two-strike pitch into center field. This picture shows Dylan zipping past Stapes to score the winning run while the entire team wills him home. Everyone's attention is on late throw and Jeff, who is circling first base. League Commissioner, Goodfor Schitt, later apologies to Ivy for not calling too many men on the field.
- Blow this one up too. It's a screen grab from the YouTube game video of the exact same time as the previous picture with Dylan flashing home while Jeff circles first base. It is no joke that the entire Gnaturals team was on the field on this play.
Yes! - The Gazette replacements got the shot of the umpire. The Gazette and its entire staff love to dog the umpire no matter who they are or if they do a bad or good job. I take back what I said about docking your pay. Christmas bonuses are on the way!
Need a Ride? - Another week 7 shot sent in by Koz and the Kentucky Scrumblers. This one was not part of the bachelor party but may well could have been. Never seen a red limo with red rims but there's always a first.
Krystal & Jake Koz Wedding - With all of pics of Jake that likely made the Gazette in week 7, and certainly in this rendition, I was a little sheepish about originally putting this one in that week. This is Tori, Al, Krystal, Jake, Gale, and Trevor Gazette.
To Sute or Not to Sute - That is the question fans and teammates are asking the slugging shortstop these days. Will he return in the Summer league to Tri-Star or will he try to help the Gnats with some unfinished business? Seen here standing on third base in week 8. Sutes is up there with Jimmy Bags as one of the most interesting MB/Gnats of all time. The Gazette featured Bags Corner. Maybe if Matt stays we'll a weekly feature Tailored Sutes.
Snow Dance - Seems like a lifetime ago that the team was begging for a playoff rainout so that a late honeymooning Jake Koz could play with the team in the final four. Everyone except Ken was hoping for a rainout, as the opinionated third baseman was adamant about not wanting to play in cold weather. The first week of the playoffs against the Deacons was as cold as it would get as temperatures were in the 40's that evening.
Big Contract - Not sure how many folks saw the contract that Jack had to sign as he picked up the regular season winnings. This note is as simple as the current goon who runs the NLCPD.
Breez - Couldn't decide between this pic and the paw imprint and the latter won out in the first round of the playoffs Gazette so this one goes to my lounging Breez on her favorite pillow on her favorite couch and will always be in our hearts.
- Pic also from first round of playoff week. Anyone who has ever been to Koz's house has been treated to a sore arm from playing fetch and a stomp on the noots from the rambunctious but loveable Daisy. She does watch television and barks at any commercials featuring animals or non-human looking things. Daisy not only barks at the television, she tries jumping up on top of it. She probably chewed the top cover off in protest of the barking dog Seinfeld episode.
- I really do not embrace the Top Turd of the week when it is to be given to a Gnat with the shittiest effort. It's bad enough that guys try their hardest and have bad games. Folks know that they've had a crappy game and don't need piling on from a guy holding a pen in one hand and a beer in the other. No issue handing out Turds of the Week to park district personnel, other teams, or random individuals but not so much a Gnatural.
- Next year's collections will be in force throughout the entire season, including the playoffs. Total in the bucket was about $68. Bought a case of Bud Light for Jack to hand to the neighbor who contributed $1,000 worth of balls to the team, which leaves $53 in the till. Dear Mike Pratl, I did buy the quarters so that Trev can do his laundry while staying at the dorm. Someone put some lesser denomination of coins in there which will stay in the bucket o cash.
Friendly Advice - Stole this picture from an earlier Gazette that featured Jack in Coach's Corner. You win as a team and you lose as a team. The Gnaturals were in a position that they had never been in before, a favorite in the final four of the playoffs. The team did not know how to act and was looking somewhat in disbelief. When you find yourself in that position again, and I believe it will be soon, look inward at the effort you'll give to do your best, and look outward to the ten other guys who have your back. The season did not end up the way you all hoped. I do not think that Ivy is a better team than the Gnats. You have to believe that you belong because YOU DO BELONG.
Cody's Wish - If you have not seen the story about Cody Dorman, look it up now. The horse, Cody's Wish, won the Breeders Cup Dirt Mile over this past weekend. Several races later we spotted the horse's trainer Bill Mott before the final race of the day. Gale ran him down like a deep closer in a winning stretch run to get this picture. She turned out to be Bill's good luck charm as he won the final race of the day too.
Naturally - If a party happens and you are not there, was it really a party? The Gnaturals family gathered together over the weekend to celebrate the season and life in general. Rare is it that all the members of team are able to attend a party but the Gnats did a great job to get 10/11ths of the team in one setting. Either Ryno could not make it or took the wrong week to sleep through the night. Glad the wives and girlfriends were invited to class up the proceedings.
Gnaturals - The team mugs it up for the camera in the House of Z. Have to make a special mention of Joey the G Dog. G-Dog only played three games with the team this fall but was as effective as anyone out there. Filling in for the injured Jeff, G-Dog fielded his position quite well and hit with the Gnat elites. Dear Gnats, send this guy a Christmas card. He was there for the Scrappers, Brew Jays, and Water Chaser victories. Scrappers are always a tough team to beat and Gnats had never won over the Brew Jays and Joey was there that night. Hats off to you G-Dog for a great season!
For Next Time - This picture sent to the Gazette by the Cap'n Jack looks like the type of strip handed out at wedding photo booths. Here's an idea, get a photo booth to sponsor the team with the only stipulation that they provide free services for the end of season party. Imagine some of the pictures that would be produced in that type of setting.
Tiger and Sutes - Z puts on his best Tiger Woods look with the Nike swoosh and the black short sleeve shirt. He would have worn red but it was only Saturday. Z is seen here saying to Sutes; "Sooooo, what are your plans for next year?".
Cover Up - Arik is engrossed in conversation while Jeff looks like he's covering up for something mischievous that he's done recently on the patio. The normally quiet Jeff would be one of the last people on the team to pull of a caper so he is our number one suspect for any shenanigans that went down at the House of Z.
Batter Up - This must have been moments before the Jeff Caper. Jeff and Zlogar look on as Arik With An A issues a hitting lesson for the fire pit. Hands high, chin tucked in, point lead toe at beer can, and swing.
Season Parting Words - Gnaturals had a very nice fall season. As mentioned earlier, you win as a team and you lose as a team. The Fall Gnats are the epitome of team work and sacrifice. The outfield was solidified for the first time in team history with the addition of Jamaica and the return of Jake Koz from his Summer season with Ivy. Funny that it took Stapes a trip to Jamaica to find a guy who was a couple of suburbs north of him the whole time. Jack, Dylan, Koz and Pratl patrolled the outfield for the most part and the team rarely played musical chairs at any position unless there was a blowout. The outfield held down the fort for the majority of the season and rarely allowed an extra out, which is a game killer when simple fly balls are not caught. Arik and Zlogar both played some outfield in the Summer but unselfishly caught or extra hit in the Fall. Z was 3-0 in relief of Ryno on the hill. Both Arik and Z more than carried their weight by getting on base 58.8% and 67% of the time respectively. Jeff sacrificed playing shortstop with the addition of Sutes. Jeff turned several double plays and was at the bag for Sutes to fire to for force plays. Jeff backed up the defense with a 64.7% on-base percentage. Stapes was solid at first base on defense and batted a team second .719. Sutes average dropped from .900 to .886. Just busting your chops brother. Sutes with another .900 on-base percentage is video game like. Sutes also brought defense to the table by making majority of the basic plays and some plays where the rocket arm was too fast for the runner's legs. Ken had a solid season at the plate after wanting to retire in the Summer. His on-base percentage was .455. Ken's defense came around at the right time and turned some nice plays in the final few weeks and into the playoffs. Ryno has become a pitcher's pitcher. Hardly walks anyone and keeps most hitters off balance. Ryno seems to have come around from a guy who did not want to pitch to one of the leagues top hurlers. Koz made sacrifices all year by slapping base hits so that Sutes and Stapes could knock him in and finished with an on-base percentage of .676. From Koz's no walks to Dylan who had 10 walks and an on-base percentage of .722. Jack at leadoff hitter went .600 on-base to often set the table with Daily Double mate Koz for murders row to rake RBI's. Pratl had a .529 batting average and was third overall in RBI behind Sutes and Stapes. The aforementioned Joey came in to play three games and played at a high level too. With a team batting average at a ridiculous .607 and on-base at .617 with solid defense to go along with it, the Fall Gnats deserved the $400 regular season first place prize and will be a threat to do the same in both 2023 sessions. Have some swagger and continue to be class acts, there's a championship ahead for this team.
- Until last week's loss against Ivy, the Gnaturals did not play a 7 inning game all Fall season. 4 games went six innings. 3 games only went five innings. 2 games went four innings with the playoff game against the Deacons only providing the Gnats with three at-bats. Most of the Gnats last at-bats were truncated by either walk of wins or slaughters for wins so some of the last inning numbers may be skewed slightly but the team was definitely a pour it on early team. Here's a look at some of the scoring by innings.
1st inning - 70 runs for a 7 run per game average.
2nd inning - 33 runs for a 3.3 run per game average.
3rd inning - 16 runs for a 1.6 run per game average.
4th inning - 18 runs for a 2 run per game average.
5th inning - 18 runs for a 2.25 run per game average
6th inning - 7 runs for a 1.4 run per game average
7th inning - 5 runs for a 5 run per game average.
During the regular season, the Gnats did not score in 5 innings out of 43 total innings. In other words, the Gnats scored in 38 of 43 innings.
Four times scoreless in Ivy playoff game.
This next section includes the regular season and playoffs
No game went scoreless in the first inning.
Two times scoreless in the 2nd inning and both against Ivy League.
Two times scoreless in the 3rd inning.
Two times scoreless in the 4th inning.
Two times scoreless in the 5th inning.
One time scoreless in the 6h inning.....playoff against Ivy
One chance in the 7th inning and the Gnats scored 5 against Ivy
Thanks to the Gnats for entertaining us all season and thank you for reading!
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