Opening Night

 

New Lenox, IL - The Gnaturals opened up the 2022 Fall season against Deacons Demons in the dreaded 9:30PM time slot.  The weather was reminiscent of September weather as the conditions were cool and dry.  What was not cool and dry were the Gnaturals bats as the team handily put away the Deacons 17-7 in a game shortened five innings.  The Gnats were only held scoreless in the 1-2-3 third inning but put up crooked numbers in the other four frames to jump out to an early lead and extend the entire game to win comfortably.  Matt Sutor led the team with 7 RBI on the evening.  All but two players recorded hits in the game.  Defense was rock solid all night long with the outfield choking Deacon hitters while the infield made several nice plays to keep the Demons off the base paths.  Next week's opponent is the Scrappers with a 6:30PM start at the Lions Den. The Gnats look to turn around their fortunes against the Scrappers where they lost two games to them during the Summer.

Noteables:

Roster Check - Apparently they'll let anyone sign the roster sheet before the game. The bat bag is seen here taking a shot at entering its name on to the list.  Nobody had the heart to tell the bag that the sheet was upside-down.

Left Gone Right - Jeff batted right-handed in the fifth inning to record an RBI double.  Wonder how many of his teammates noticed that the left-handed hitting second baseman batted righty......and recorded a double!

I Popped My Cap - Are the words that came out of Ken's mouth as he simultaneously hugged Mrs. Pratl.  Huh?  

Hats Off - Sutor, Pratl, and Jamaica were on base in every at-bat.  Well done

Signing Bonus - Cap'n Jack presented Jake Koz with his signing bonus, a bucket of Double Bubble gum.  Team Ownership went out on a financial limb to come up with the scratch to sign the Mighty Koz.  We tried to reach the Reverend Dave for comment but could not interpret the inaudible mumbling.

Four and a Shadow - 9:30 games generally have the sparsest crowds and tonight was no exception.  

Dozen - It took eleven batters before number twelve, Stapes, recorded the year's first pop out.  Pictured with him is Arik With An A who was batter number 15 and the second guy to hit a pop fly.  Arik's was a one dollar costing hit.

Read em and Weep - The defensive notes from the Deacons tonight.  Other than #14, none other than Deacon himself, every player was very predictable.  Save these for game 10 as at least a half-dozen of their hitters literally hit the ball to the same guy or area in every at bat.  Oh, and good luck reading the notes!

Never Spotted Before Tonight- Jake Koz previously played with the Gnaturals but tonight is the first time that Jake has ever worn the black and green jersey of the pesty bugs. Which do you think will come first, Lauren being able to change the thermostat OR a Jack run softball team wearing colors other than black and electric green?

Walking Papers - Ken looked to revive the addition by subtraction quotient (aka Milo DaVinci from the 2004 Braves) on Saturday at the New Lenox Rebels Whiffle Ball Tournament by releasing little Billie before the start of the second game.  Ken had second thoughts and kept Billie on Fed Up.  Yes, the same squad that was ranked 28 of the 28 teams in the tourney.  When asked why he wanted to let go of Billie in the first place, Kenny Old School quipped; "You know, the little f%^$er" was wearing a Sox cap.  I could put up with the play of an eight year old but I cannot tolerate the insubordination of a teammate wearing that team's logo".  While heading to the parking lot with his dad, the Gazette reporter asked Billie how he was feeling; "fed up, I'm going home".

Good Lord - The commissioner of the aforementioned whiffle ball tournament, Johnny Bullhorn, is seen here sauntering over to check on one of the many beer coolers he had strategically placed throughout the grounds of the Tyler-Bentley Complex.  If Johnny had only been as strategic about organizing his event and setting up proper rules that could be enforced, the day would have been shorter and more enjoyable by all who participated.  Additionally, the dude who prostitutes' himself for any winning team is easier to spot at a baseball field than Waldo himself.  We see you M.H.

Kangaroo Court - Tonight's tally and offense listed next to their name.  Anyone who has an issue with their fine can take their case to the people's course where Judge Al will listen to the argument while a jury of the offenders peers (the Gnaturals) decides the case.  Eight dollars worth of fines were issued; 7 pop outs and a solo home run that cannot go unpunished. 

Please pay all fines to the scorekeeper before the start of next week's game.  Delinquent payers will incur further fines and much ridicule.

Jack (2) 

Pop out to the shortstop in the 3rd inning

Pop out SAC fly to left-center in the 5th inning

Stapes (2)

Pop out SAC fly to right fielder in the 2nd inning

Pop out to right-center in the 5th inning

Sutor (1)

Solo homerun in the 4th inning

Arik (1)

Pop up single to right in the 2nd inning

Ken (1)

Pop up to short in the 2nd inning

Ryno (1)

Pop out to left center in the 3rd inning

Top Turd

Back by the overwhelming demand of the Gnaturals is tonight's top turd.  We were assured by all that the boys have a thick skin and will not be upset by this segment. Let's see how that goes.  Tonight's top turd is none other than Sutor for his solo home run in the 4th inning.  The offense in and of itself would be forgivable hadn't it been Suits third home run in as many at bats.  Congratulations Matt!  You are the Gazette's pick for Top Turd of the week. Second place in the turd vote was Zlogar who is a Bezosfest.....say no more.  Honorable mention for turdlettes are Stapes and Ken who went 0 for the night.  Last honorable mention was Pratl for inexplicably ducking on a force play toss from Suits at 2nd base to record no out on the play.  

Stat-o-matic

Thanks to Cap'n' Jack, the team was issued the 2022 Fall Softball Reference book with the updated stats.  Did you know:

In one season, Dylan Foster has 11 walks in ten games.  It took Jake Koz 106 games to get the 9 walks he currently owns.

The team is 219 hits shy of 3,000 for its lifetime.  Could get it done this fall.

67 players have played for MB/Gnaturals

The team lifetime batting average is .555 (Reminder: Hit .600 individually as a MINIMUM)

The team OBP is .569.  Really.  WTF.  Yeah, I guess it's a hitters game isn't it.  See a good one and hit it

At 39th all-time in hits is Cory McCracken.  Now I know why Jack bet McCracken in the Kentucky Derby a few years ago.  So did I:-(

Sutor was hitting a ridiculous .900 heading into the season.  He could go 7 for 8 and his batting average will drop; blowski.

Mike Pratl is at 100 hits exactly entering the season.

Mike Zlogar is 19 hits away from 100.  With him at Jeff Bezos side for a couple of weeks, it is going to hinder him from getting there sooner than later.

Ken's next RBI is #100

Jake Koz needs to score 18 more runs to join Jack as the only members in the 200 runs scored club. It's lonely at the top Jack.

Speaking of lonely, Koz is by himself in the 200 RBI club.  Cousin Stapes is the nearest to join him with 162. 

Jack is three singles away from 200 and Ken is six away from becoming the first member of the team to reach that mark.  Money is on Ken to get their first as Jack will leg some doubles out of those singles.

Jeff is 28 hits away form joining dad and brothers Jack and Jake in the 200 hit club.

Ryan Foster is 34 hits away from the 200 club

Koz is the only member of the 500 total bases club with Jack in second at 50 away from the 400 milestone.

Koz takes a lot of grief for only drawing 9 bases on balls in his career but easily the most allergic to walks is Whitehouse.  W.H. had 4 walks in 266 plate appearances, which is far far less of a percentage than that of good ole #7

This tribute to stats would not be complete without mentioning Dave Nykiel at 4th all-time on the home run list

Jack has 4 homeruns.  Come on man!  

The Coach's Corner

The Gazette recently caught up with Cap'n Jack to cover the state of the Gnaturals as they enter the Fall season off a disappointing 3-7 Summer season.  With some new signings and a rare two offseason hitting practices, expectations have never been higher for a winning season.  The team has finished ranked as high as #4 on a few occasions, none more recently than 2019, and looks to aim high at a 3rd place or better finish in the regular season.  Here is how that conversation went with the only manager the MB/Gnaturals franchise has ever had.  

Tell us about the new additions to the team. 
It's well documented that the team got the "okay" from ownership to open up the pocketbooks and spend this offseason. The bucket of double-bubble gum was not a cheap request. Best $12 the franchise has ever spent in order to re-sign Jake Koz. He'll immediately slide into RC and bolster the OF tremendously. Not to mention the guy brings back a .661 career batting average with 251 hits and 45 Home Runs. That's a shot in the arm for any lineup in the entire league. 
 
Our 2nd addition Matt Sutor, only hit .900 in the 6 games he played for the franchise in the Fall of 2019. Our biggest regret was not locking him up right then and there to a lifetime contract. He got an offer from the Tom Kelly's/Tri-Star franchise and never looked back... until now. Got a text from Zoot Suit on August 2nd about making some more noise at the trade deadline. I jokingly replied... "I hope you're talking about a trade involving you to the Gnaturals" .... turns out it wasn't a joke. His team missed the cut for signups. Very thankful that he reached out to me to see if we had a spot for him. I had zero knowledge that Tri-Star wasn't playing until I got that text from him. So Welcome back Matt and I speak for every Gnatural when I say we are glad you are sitting in our dugout now, and although you have a Vanderbilt colored jersey in the closet, we're hoping you find a spot for it on the clothesline at the next garage sale.... 
 
 
 
What are the team goals for the fall season? 
My goals for the team this year are simple- have more fun than we've ever had out there since 2015, and finish over .500- Something we've only managed to do twice in 15 seasons. Obviously, we are all hungry for some playoff victories and to play 3 games in the playoffs for the first time ever. But it all starts with the regular season success. Take care of business for the next 8 weeks and those 3 games in October might just be possible. 
 
 
 
How exciting does your defensive alignment look?
Despite what the stats say, I believe we are typically one of the top 4 defensive teams in the league. The runs allowed get inflated when we have a couple blow up games and give up 25 runs to someone. But our defense is one of the things I'm looking forward to the most this year. With the lineup I'm rolling out there I don't see any reason why we shouldn't finish top 2 or 3 in Runs-Allowed. 
OF is extremely solid with Jack in LF, Dylan in LC, and Koz in RC. Those 3 are 3 of the best OF's in the entire league. Mike Pratl, Arik, and Zlogs will anchor down RF and I wouldn't sleep on any of them either. 
Ryno and Zlogs will toe the rubber. I do believe Ryan Foster has become one of the better pitchers in this league. He has been doing it for many years now and seems to pitch much better than the stats have showed the last couple seasons. Our pitchers are going to love the defense behind them, especially Ryno. 
Infield is the best defensive infield in the league, hands down. We have the Best 1B in the state, the best 2B, and the best SS. Jeff was playing some of the best SS in the sport last year, and he'll still play a little SS this year, but he slides over to 2B to start and becomes the best 2B in the league without question. Don't sleep on Old School at 3B either. Nobody plays a shallower 3B than Ken. He's still rock solid over there. Mike Pratl will also take a few innings per game at the position to give Ken a breather ala Pat Hughes in the 5th inning. 
 
 
 
How are you going to handle the batting order?
Starting the year hot and heavy with the lineup. Going with some high OBP at the top. In order for their careers- .623, .645, .663, .875. That bodes well for any team looking to score some runs early. This also slides some other guys down in the order and takes a little pressure off them. From 1-11 we have guys who can mash and get on base. The key will be each guy doing their job and doing whatever they can to get on base. Period. Keep the line moving.
 
Size up the league in general...new teams, old teams with new names, old teams. 
Tri-Star, Hammered, Storm Riders OUT. Enter 3 new teams. Don't know anything about Rhino or Water Chasers. Deacon Demons we had played against before and they aren't much to write home about. Brew Jays, Beggars, Ivy, Scrappers are who we're gunning for this year. Play the Scrappers and Beggars close every time. Definitely need to pull out a win against one or both of them this year. Ivy loses Koz, we gain Koz. We hung with them in the summer playoffs. I don't think there is a single team that is unbeatable for us if we play the way we can. Let's shock the world and go 8-0!
 
 
 
Do you prefer summer of fall season? 
Personally I love the Fall more. Being one of the guys who still wears the long socks and pants, it can get hot and uncomfortable in the summer season, especially a 95 degree 6:30 game. Yuck. I'll take the fall every time. I think we as a whole are a much better Fall team also. Lot of rust when the summer season begins, but we are ready to rock and roll come August. 
 
 
 
How have you prepped to manage the team since the end of the Summer league ended? 
The offseason really began before the Summer even ended. Had to make the decision to say goodbye to Whitehouse and Dom. Trust me it is never easy looking a guy in the eye and telling him we don't have a spot for him. I appreciate every single guy who has ever played for us because I know how challenging it is filling out a lineup each week. Besides from that, we had a couple practices in between the 2 seasons, and I think that will only help us for fall ball. Moving forward with the most talented offensive and defensive lineup we may have ever fielded, it is my job to keep these guys focused on 1 game at a time. Every Tuesday we have a chance to get better individually and learn something for next week. If we approach this Fall like its 8 1-game seasons, I think we're going to do just fine. If each guy plays unselfish ball and gives it all they got, we'll be turning some heads real soon in New Lenox. 

We would like to thank Cap'n Jack for his time and wish him the best of luck as well as the Gnaturals softball team.