Final Four

 

New Lenox, IL - In what has become the longest tournament in sports related history, the field in the 2022 Lions Den Gazette Character Tournament run in 2023, is now narrowed down to the final four contenders.  Left standing after some contentious battles are Zeke Spitshine, Slappy Buntwell, Tubby Lumpkins, and Smoke Doorag. Spitshine will take on Slappy Buntwell to settle the East Coast side of the bracket while Tubby Lumpkins faces off against Smoke Doorag for West Coast honors.  It's been a long road filled with upsets, controversy, and claims of originality but the champion shall be crowned soon and we will all celebrate the inaugural winner with a ticker tape parade down Veterans Parkway the day before the start of the 2023 spring softball campaign.  The Gazette had a few favorites that failed along the way.  Boots Trippums deserved a better fate losing in a 2nd round matchup against Slappy Buntwell.  The loss was no fluke as Buntwell now finds himself in the final four.  Boots pleaded his case to the tournament selection committee to no avail as the Exalted Grand Puba was firm in its placing of the nair-do-well Trippums.  Another favorite character of this rag is Dirk Bailwire.  Dirk took one on the chin in a sweet 16 matchup against Bryce Sharter.  No shame in losing that matchup but the rugged Bailwire could not muster up enough support to get by the popular Sharter. Lastly, Dusty Pantleg was a favorite to make the final four at the outset of the tournament but ran into the buzz saw known as Slappy Buntwell.  It turns out that Slappy was the end of a couple of our favorites.  The name that got more out of his talent than any other, was Manny Noguns.  Manny had a soft touch to the elite eight but ran into the tougher Smoke Doorag to meet his demise.  The Boots Trippums camp made the argument that he should have had Manny's seeding.  That would have made for a dream matchup between Boots and Smoke Doorag.  Maybe next year Boots. 

As we conclude the Final Four edition, we need to touch upon a claim of originality which has been lodged.  Gnats third baseman is going around and making claims that he came up with the name Tubby Lumpkins.  The Gazette prides itself on being factual and non-partisan so we will clear this matter up once and for all.  The claim by Old School that he originate the name Tubby Lumpkins is totally true.  The craggy third baseman whipped out that name on the spot during the playing of the game, so any of you out there who have doubted and besmirched Old School for his claim should line up and apologize.  Until hearing that name roll off of Old School's tongue, the Gazette has always preferred the longstanding Tubby Munchkins, whose name never made it to the 2022 honor roll in deference to Lumpkins.  Tubby currently has a commanding lead as we write this column so it is almost a shoe-in to see him in the finals.  Good luck with the remainder of your brackets, and if any of you are still alive with your final four bracket, congratulations!!!