Spring Training

 New Lenox, IL - Ahhh, the smell of burnt leaves and green grass were in the air as the Gnaturals assembled for Spring Training 2023 at The Lions Den.  The Gnaturals are looking to defend their 2022 Fall regular season title and build toward playoff success that eluded them with a quarter final round knockout in the post season.  The boys of summer knocked off the rust as they begin their long journey toward winning the hardware.  Gazette field reporter Rusty Mic, caught up with pitcher Ryan Foster for his take on the upcoming season' "We F*^&ing f*^&ed up and s#@t the bed in the f*^&ing playoffs last year and I guarantee that s#@t won't happen again in 23.  We are going to f*^&ing f*^k teams up this year and carry that mother f*^&ing trophy home to our fans!".  Well said Ryno.

Noteables:

Better Late Than Never - Zlogar was the last man to show up at practice this past Tuesday.  When asked why he was late, Z responded; "Clock issues with the time change.  Forgot where the park was located.  Had to work late.  Couldn't see too well out of my sunglasses so I had to take it slow.  The first ten minutes of practice are overrated. I wanted my mugshot to appear the Gazette. I just left practice with the Brew Jays and it went a little long.  I came from Rebels fields where I assembled a team to kick Jack's team's ass."

A Little Rusty - It has been so long since the team played, the boys had a little trouble figuring out the lay of the diamond.  Pictured here are Jeff and Ken trying to help Ryno locate the pitchers mound.  Things got settled when Farmer Brown came stammering over the right field fence to straighten things out.  Brown also tipped off Cap'n Jack that the next time he buys him beer for donating BP balls, please get Miller Lite;-)

Defenders of the Ice - Went to a softball game and a hockey match broke out.  Arik and Koz are pictured rink side as both want to attend the NLCPD preseason meeting to request that checking is allowed in the upcoming softball season.  The request went to no avail but the new commissioner did take note that all infielders may want to dress accordingly as balls whizz by like hockey pucks.

Eighth of a Mile - Gazette field reporter, Cale Burnout, caught up with Furlong on the Southwest Highway exit of the 355 Tollway.  Literally had to run this car down for miles but Burnout was disappointed when he got out of the car and stuck the mic out only to find out that the car was being driven by realtor Michelle Furlong.  A little embarrassed but wanting to get a scoop, Burnout asked Mrs. Furlong if she played softball.  Tip of the cap to you Cale.

Million Dollar Baby - With the half-dozen rockets that flew off the protective net during the latest practice, the pitchers screen has now saved a total of over one million dollars in head injuries during its use.  This safety device is easily the best investment ever made by Gnaturals management.

WABC - Ever since we started tracking Wins Above Cardboard Cutout, teams have been trying other measurements of fielding success.  Pictured here is a Cap'n Jack experiment with Jeff as to whether he or the beer cooler could make more stops during the team practice.  Jeff beat out the tiny device so we'll have to put a pin in Wins Above Beer Cooler for now.

Tamp On - Meet the new boss.  The more things change, the more they stay the same.  The grate, which is the base of the Lions Den batters box, is still in place and still covered with too little amount of sand and dirt.  Slide carefully boys.

The Hawk - In a moment when the Gnats were busy at work on the field, Ken took a timeout to relive his days as skipper of the Hawks.  Ken is seen here pacing the dugout circa his famous 2005 posture as he flashes back to contemplating pulling Will Knights for Josh McGovern.  Ken then snapped out of it and began ranting about why folks think that burning leaves smell good. 

If It Doesn't Fit - Arik With An A sports his new good old U.S. of A. gloves in Willie Mays Hayes style.  A Gnat teammate had to remind Arik to take one of the gloves off while playing defense as this is not hockey.

Another New Feature - This one was dug out of the offices at Argonne Labs by none other than Koz.  Gnats players do not want to see your name next to this picture this year as it means you've overthrown someone.  The Gazette oddsmakers' did not even put a number on Ken overthrows in 2023 as they think it is physically impossible for "that arm" to overthrow anything.  

 

Escobar - Zlogar has spent some of the offseason in Central America where he has gotten close to some of the cartel members.  Z is so confident that the fix is in from his compadres that he won't even bother to look toward the plate while pitching this year.