Volts Diffuse Bombers

 

New Lenox, IL - On a lovely summer night at the Lions Den, High Voltage squared up with Vegas Bombers in the late match. The visiting Volts jumped out of the gate in the first inning by batting around the lineup to take a 7-3 lead.  The inning featured all three of the Volts allotted home runs coming in the form of two-run blasts by Jay, Sutes, and Shane.  Out of homeruns early proved to be a non factor as the Volts scored in all but one inning in route to a 23-11 victory.  The game was closer than the score as the resilient Bombers scored enough runs to keep it close at 11-7 until the Volts unleashed a 12 run sixth inning to take an insurmountable lead heading into the bottom of the frame with no time left on the game clock.  Vegas Bombers scored four times in their final at bat to fall short and thus drop to 1-4 on the season.  Ryno struck out three and walked one on the way to his fifth win to start the season.  Shane recorded six outs in left-center field to account for 33% of the Volt putouts.  The Schoenhofen boys each made three catches to account for another 33% of the team's putouts.  Next week's contest is another 9:30PM match with this one for first place as the Volts take on Transcend Realty for mid-season honors.  Anyone bringing an energy drink to next week's game to stay awake will receive free weight loss material from Bill.

Notables 

For The Good of the Community -  How is it possible that this guy is in much better shape than any of his ex teammates?  Shame on all of you out of shape Volts. Officer Dave still ranks #17 on the High Voltage franchise all-time offensive valuation. 

Seeing Double - With only weeks remaining for softball games at the Lions Den, park officials are contemplating moving home plate up 20 feet to make it harder for catchers to make spectacular catches up against the backstop.  Known as the Roy Hobbles Rule, NLCPD officials received complaints from several teams around the league to move the plate up to thwart Hall of Fame catcher types from dominating games with their defensive prowess.  Ultimately, park district officials could not justify moving the infield 20 feet toward the outfield to make the configuration work properly, but they're still thinking of other plans to handcuff dominant catchers.

Fields of Dreams - Things are set for a late June open house and a start of action later this summer at The Wintrust Crossroads Sports Complex.  Hello to a lot of commercialism and goodbye to bringing your own beer to the ballpark.

The Details - ........................

Strawberry Moon - Moons and Porta-Johns are synonymous, so what the heck. Last night's full moon hung lower in the sky than it has in nearly two decades in a phenomenon known as "major lunar standstill".  Too complicated to explain here so look it up.  Thank you to our overnight photographer Shades Glowball for the riveting image.

Lost and Found - For all of the town cryers who like to spread the word to your friends about this publication, now is your chance to make a positive difference.  Bobby Blueballs of the Gazette found this key and holder in the Lions Den parking lot this past weekend and turned it over to the Park District officials.  Tell any your friends who are currently locked out of their house to call the NLCPD and identify what this chalk outline depicts for reals, and entry into the doorway is once again their's. 

Personal Dog Bowl - In an effort to win mayoral re-election, Mayor Tim has promised not a "Chicken in every pot" but a water fountain dog bowl in every yard. .....and you thought that new facility cost a lot of money.

Sunday Sunday Sunday - NLCPD officials are hard at work on the weekends to beautify the town.  This crew was picking up all of the loose trash at Lions Den.  When spotting a handful of trash lying next to the garbage can, a park district employee mumbled under his breath; "these people are just like my kids, they can get the trash next to the can but they can't get it in the can".

Fight at the Bat Rack - Things started out slow for the Volts as they plated 11 runs in the first five innings, than more than matched that total with  a 12 run sixth inning outburst.

Get Your Pencils and Scorecards Ready, and I Will Give You Tonight's Lineups - Speaking of trash, what is wrong with these guys?  For the millionth time, the lineup is left in the dugout.  Who can read this thing anyway, it's smaller than the Gazette font.

Vegas Bombers -  Delicious

1/2 ounce Crown Royal                                            1/2 ounce cranberry juice                                      1/4 ounce peach schnapps                                        8 oz of Red Bull

The Thinker - Z harkens way back to the days of yore of Roy Hobbles and his mighty feats.  It only seems like last week when Hobbles dominated play from the catcher's position.  On another front, how many injured players actually show up to support their team these days?  Not many.  In fact, sadly, almost none.  Hobbles is not just a Hall of Fame Catcher, he is a HOF teammate.  The injured catcher on why he made it out to support his team; "a bruise on the leg is a hell of a long way from the heart".

Not Done Yet - Jimmy started the season at 19th place on the all-time Volt offensive value list with Noah nipping at his heels.  The former full-time player, now sub, had a perfect five for five on base performance last night to keep the swarthy third-baseman at bay for now.  Congrats Jimmy!  You're price has gone up.  Thank you to Aizy for the rendering!

Walk of Shame - When you've gotten nearly to the parking lot to discover that the tumbler and cooler you forgot about may still be sitting by the dugout.  Fortunately for Ash, Gazette staffer Turk Clepto picked up the items and saved the long walk.

Good Golly - Hearts and thoughts to the Schoenhofen crew on the loss of Molly.  No words will make you feel better but the lasting memories of a loveable member of the family may help ease the pain.